Although, each chord change pains my fingertips and the neuropathy has left my hands numb yet tingly. An audiologist has confirmed that I have moderate to severe hearing loss in certain frequency ranges as a result from the extraordinary amount of platinum coming out of my body. A constant ringing of super-high pitched shrills now has me asking people to repeat themselves on a daily basis. But as if out of no where, among the pain and anguish, a voice emerges. One that I have never heard before, and it begins to sing.
It's the first time I've ever attempted to sing and play a song on the guitar. The song happens to be a love song, it is titled Sideways. I don't know why of the many songs to learn I picked this song to play and sing, but it is associated with a very special memory. I was first introduced to this song a few years back. I had the pleasure of seeing it performed live by Citizen Cope at Stubbs in Austin. It was a concert I was reluctant to attend, I'd never heard of the artist before, but was madly in love at the time and also deeply confused about my relationship. In an attempt to appease my girlfriend I had agreed to go. I didn't realize at the time how special this song would become through this cancer battle.
I've never seen any of the many x-rays or scans of my cancerous tumors but I hear there are plenty of them. There are some so special that I don't even need to see them in print to know they are there. One such tumor has metastasized near my heart and pains me more than others at times. It brings a new meaning to the word 'heartache' for me. Alas, it is there for an important reason. It is there to remind me that disease can takeover your heart if you let it. Both love and cancer have forever changed this man. In this case it has helped me find a voice I didn't know was there.
This cancer is just as much a lesson in love as it is a lesson in life for me. In the most dis-eased state of my life I've learned such a valuable lesson. I now know that a healthy cell is a loving cell. So you can bet that I've been doing plenty of lovemaking lately, it just happens to be on the cellular level.
-Joel C. Diaz II
Mexican Armstrong
4 comments:
Hi! Mexican Joel,
It's Aunt Linda, a day does not go by that I think and pray for you. I Love You and want so much for you to get well! I have a phone line directly to your Mom, so I can get a daily report on you, Ha! Ha! I admire you for being so strong, you are a warrior! Keep Singing, it will make you smile. Take Care and I will see you soon!
I send my Hugs and Kisses.
That was too rad, Joel. We just played it aloud on the living room stereo here at San Bernard. Orange, Ike & Tina, Dinner Fish, and I just jammed to it. Your voice must have come from some ancient Meso-American singing genes! Bravo, buddy~
Hey Joel-
It's Cheryl from the apartment complex. This blog entry was really good. You are one of my heroes. I think about you everyday, and I hope that you are kicking some butt because we need to go on that scooter ride sometime!
Joel,
I have said this before and I shall say it again....you R amazing in everything you accomplish. Do you think you can get better soon so we can go on tour with American Idol? HAHA I so adore you and I wish we talked more. I am glad to hear you are doing well.
Love always Kristine
Caitlin says hello too
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